Midnight cravings

Cereal & Milk...
I'm thinking about my favourite food now. It's in the fridge but I don't feel like getting it. I am hungry. But my emotions overwhelm my physical needs.

Just had a talk with Lewy online. I signed on MSN while watching Harold and Kumar halfway and he messaged me.

He asked me how was I because he was shocked when he saw me at the office this afternoon. I guess anyone would be. My eyes were red and puffy from the crying in the Dean's room. I looked like I got punched in both eyes. I hung my head down to avoid weird glares from the people walking out of the library as I waited to speak to Avoni.

I thought I got a hold of myself. But my emotions swarmed back to me as I was chatting with Lewy. I'm going to miss the small group sessions where we shared heart to heart with each other. I'm going to miss the occasional outings to Little India during lunches. I'm going to miss walking to the coffee shop through the back gate between 12-2pm when it's opened. We eat at the coffee shop so often that when we don't, the aunty will always say, "wei shen me na me jiu mei you lai le" (Why haven't I seen you guys in so long?!). I'm going to miss the chicken mayo and spicy tuna sandwiches at Hans. I usually arrive just in time for class so I only get to eat my breakfast during the first break at 10.30am. Titus and I would head to Hans to grab our $2 sandwich - enough to last us till lunch. I'm going to miss spending hours in the library ploughing through the books to research for my papers. I'm going to miss paying the fines because I'm always late in returning my books. I'm going to miss playing keyboard and leading worship for chapel. I'm also going to miss the embarrassing moments each time I have to interpret for the worship leaders. I'm going to miss snoozing in the library and the student lounge - especially when Avoni is onz about it with me. I'm going to miss mugging through the night during the examination periods.

There're so many things I'm going to miss... I don't think I'll be able to get over it any time soon... If I appear to be cheerful, deep down inside I know I won't be. The smile on my face is only for show - so that people wouldn't worry about me.

The last five years of my life...

The fond memories accumulated thus far...

The friends I've made whom have come and gone...

The pain and torment I've endured from the judgments pronounced over me without even the hope of getting a trial...

The anguish of my soul...

I just want to be alone