"if I were to choose to be honest and hurt a person or dishonest and hurt a person, I would always choose to be honest."

(quote by ruqin, rephrased)

In life we learn from our mistakes, and some of them prick us more than others. We set for ourselves certain standards to attain and others also have their expectations of us. Most of us feel that the weight of these pressures are too much hence they either choose to 'kill' themselves by fulfilling every one of them, or they simply go the other way - walk away feeling disgruntled.

Of course, there are unrealistic expectations - but by whose definition?

Well, hurt is a by-product of disappointment, caused by breaking of a contract/trust/agreement/understanding. You will always have to answer this question when that happens: to tell or not to tell? What will you choose?

Remember, 'we learn from our mistakes'. This statement implies that we all make mistakes, and we all REPEAT them. So, after you've made a wrong decision, don't screw up your relationships furthur by giving yourself an excuse to make another wrong move.

i'll be busy the next few days... so i might not have time to blog. gonna try to do a photoshoot tomorrow. hopefully it'll be successful...

there's also church and rehearsal so it's a long day tmr...

monday and tues will be prepping for christmas.
1) buy decor
2) settle who's bringing what food
3) find a green/red dress! OMG!
4) meet girlfriend elaine

weds.. hopefully i'll get to see hunny... it's so torturous!!!!!!!!

well... we just ended a FANTASTIC youth camp!!! My holiday wouldn't be complete without these guys and gals... i love you all....

misses and kisses
dreams and wishes

floating clouds like cotton candy
never reachable it seems

fishes swimming downstream
cattle jumping over fences
away from where I am

It's the touch of a man that sometimes calms a woman,
It's not the touch of a friend
nor is it the touch of family
But the touch of familiarity,
He whom she cares about and
He who also cares about her

She returns to an empty room
and places her hand on the dressing table
while looking in the mirror
All she sees is herself
She misses the man who was in the reflection

She takes off her jewellery
and places it back into the drawer
while changing into her nightgown
All she feels is herself
She misses the man who unraveled her

She proceeds to take a glass of wine
and rests herself on the sofa
while slowly unwinding
All she thinks about is him
Since he's been away
She's seen lesser of him
(Heard lesser of him)

She struggles to retain her composure...
But she languishes into tears...

It's the touch of a man that sometimes calms a woman...

Behind the strength of a woman lies a fragile garden that needs to be tended to.

Before
the
time
it
began,
the
soul
of
a
man
was
lonely.
Only
with
the
companionship
of
a
woman,
then
was
his
soul
satisfied.

come home soon....

it's about time i got started on doing my bdae thingy... i'll do the audio first.. since i don't have the videos with me.. it's in my other hard drive...

i'm missing best friend elaine now...

While I was driving along the ECP alone just now, it reminded me of how hun and I got stuck in a bad jam on our way to watch "We Will Rock You".

Hun enlisted today. Didn't get to send him in. Well, it's not that important I guess.. Am glad tt he called me to let me know when he's booking out. He said I'll only get to see him next year.

I miss him already. I don't miss being cared for as much as I miss him. Spent a few hours with him last night after 2 weeks of not seeing him and not talking to him. Yesterday's few hours were precious.

I should get some sleep. Have to wake up early tomorrow.

What a night!

Have been awake for 40 hours and counting.
Tonight was great. I think it was an awesome birthday celebration.
A little booze, a little high, a lot of fun.

To all who helped make THE PARTY ALBUM possible, cheers to you! You are all important!

To Matthan especially as he helped coordinate a big part of it...
To Joe who arranged the meet up with the guys...
To Thng who tried to work around everyone's schedule...

I am moved by how much you guys love rooch - that you would take time out of your busyness to contribute to the scrapbook!

To Jed, you're the man! Thanks for putting the party together!

To my hunny, I hope that it has been a memorable 21st bdae for you. The memories of your friendships have been stored in your party album! Keep it well!

Now I can finally get some sleep... *yawns*

i love jazz.

"...With a slice of fruit cake
and a glass of champagne
I'm listening to the rain
The heavy, forceful sound
of each droplet splashing on the ground..."

It's finally here

Hun is coming back today. *sigh* I've waited 2 weeks to see him... but... what a day to come back.

I'm ill, feeling breathless and my heartbreat is irregular... Still having flu and phlegm... Having a headache and my tummy is not too good...

I didn't sleep last night and I look horrible... I can't concentrate on my stuff and cannot even walk properly without tripping over.

Hopefully I'll be in better condition if I see him later..

prisoners of stereotypes

I decided to blog about this after supper with vanessa.

Recently, I've gotten to know a friend who just came out of prison. His story was on the Sunday Times I'll take a proper picture of it and post it soon, maybe next week.

Anyway, I realise that although many of us haven't had that kind of experience, we are some what prisoners too.

Prisoners of smoking, prisoners of alcohol, promiscuity, masturbation, internet, drugs.. etc..
Those are the obvious ones.. But we can also be prisoners of our own thoughts and emotions - it's when we feel that they are controlling us. We will say things like, "I cannot help but think this way" or "I don't know why I'm feeling like that."

I was watching the rise of the silver surfer today and in the film, Jessica Alba told the silver surfer, "Everyone has a choice."

It's true, isn't it? What we think propels how we feel and hence, the result is our actions. But, it doesn't just stop there.

Our actions will neccesitate the consequences in due time. It will affect how people think of you. It will cause them to form their opinions of your character. In essence, the way you live is telling of who you are.

If you prove or show yourself to be of good calibre, then I guess, that's not much of a problem. However, if the opposite comes to pass, then it might take months, even years, before people wipe off the negative imprints in their minds.

STEREOTYPING.

Plain and simple.

I wonder where our ancestors learned how to do that.

Well... I've had my share of stereotypes while growing up. It seems as if another wave is hitting the shore again. I must becareful of what I say and especially, what I do. I'm glad that I have people like Vanessa to help me with this.

She's my keeper. :)

AGENDA

today's agenda:

1) Watch Boston Legal Season 4, Episodes 3 and 4.

2) Continue DreamFall (I might need a walk thru for this... I'm desperately hopeless... I'm walk thru is in Israel so I have to resort to using an online one)

3) Collect stuff from Vanessa at Eunos

4) Drink lots of water! I'm falling ill!

Updating...

I still can't really talk.. but I must blog about this..

My Grandma asked me in mandarin, "never see your friend come?"

At first I didn't know what she was talking about... I thought mum told her that tracie and gang were suppose to come yesterday.. so she's probably asking why they didn't..

So I replied, "you mean yesterday?"

Then she said... "nope.. he came last week..."

haha... I realised she was talking about RU.

I told her that Ru and his family are in Israel now and will be back next week...

I feel odd but happy at the same time coz she knows that he's my boyfriend.. hehe..

Just enjoyed a gd film - Never Back Down.

It's probably just the kind of film I was hoping to watch. Have been watching Boston Legal in the day and getting quite turned on. Not what I want to feel right now.. it probably explains the occasional minor flirtations that have been going on today. Uggh... I can't stand myself.... tho there's this person that I kinda had fun talking to. *winks*

Anyway.. I just wanted to watch something that would cheer me up, not make me more tense or hor-nay..

I watched brokeback mountain in the afternoon which made my mood worse because it ended on a sad note. Followed by thank you for smoking which was better..

Still.. Never Back Down made my day!

Haha... I think I shouldn't watch Boston Legal when my parents are around.. they'll get the wrong idea...

Okay... i think i've reached my quota of words today... I'm satisfied.. going to catch some sleep now. :)

Goodnight to the whole world!

if a song were to be written
it should be about love
it would hit the charts
in a week

if a man would to give his life
it would be because of love
the story would be published
the next day

coz we're made to love
and be loved
not to be lonely individuals
we're created for this purpose
the reason for a dying person
to hold on to his last breath
just to be with the one whom he loves
for a second more

if I were to say "I do"
it is because of love
it'll be only once in my life
it'll be forever

if love was that easy
we'll all be happy
but to be happy is not easy
we all need to love

Being sick is horrible. I'm so not used to staying at home for the whole day. I think I'm gonna get bed sores if I stay at home tomorrow too. I want to sneak out!

I must say that I'm doing pretty well with tahan-ing the pain. I'm trying not to use painkillers so I won't be dependent on them.

I'm just blogging random thoughts..

I hope that chao is fine. Not sure if he's still at elaine's place. Elaine gave me so much to think about when we spoke on the phone just now.

We all seem to be going through our own trials..

All relationship related..

Funny how we're wired for relationships, romantic or not. ..

Hun's itinery today:

Visit the Wailing (or Western) Wall, and the Temple Area with the Al-Aksa Mosque and Dome of the Rock. Visit the City of David, Pool of Bethesda, Mt Zion, Tomb of King David. Pass through the Stations of the Cross where Jesus carried his cross to be crucified. Holy Sepulchre church, Upper room, Southern wall, Archaeological garden, Davidson Centre. End day with service at Garden Tomb.

My Thoughts:

I'm praying that he's feeling better already after the puking and fever... Looking at his plans for today... I'm praying that God will speak to him. I can already imagine myself there... I also remember dad, alan and gina in Israel previously where they prayed at the wailing wall and how God spoke to them that day...

As I take time to pray and fast today, may God also bring me through that journey with Christ to the cross.. To remember him at that time..

TORMENT. NUMB MY PAIN.

i guess u'll feel like this once in a while... the word is... EMO...

Jovian said guys don't cry, they just wear shirts with the word EMO on it.. haha... sounds like someone i know..

Newae.. it's one of those days for me..

Boston Legal Season 5, EP 10 started me on this emotional roll... Jerry expressed his feelings for Katie. She doesn't know how to respond. Carl proposes to Shirley and she accepts. Danny's disappointed. The firm goes bankrupt.

It's bizarre how this season ends... It seems to be a built up of events for the next season...

It reminded me of hun.. I guess because of all the relationship bits...

So.. I'm emo.

I don't need to talk to anyone.. I just wanna rest.. I'm tired.. but I can't.. the pain is killing me.. I refuse to take painkillers!

grrr.... I'm glad that it's only an extraction...

I miss hun...

"it's gonna be alright in the morning..."

I just said goodnight to Jovy... am turning in now...

a tune of sorts
gah.

dun feel gd tonight.
it's nuttin' to do with the tooth.
nuttin' to do with anyone.
just dun feelz gd.
ya understand?

an unfinished tune
lala..

went to my piano and started with
'can't take my eyes of you'
managed to figure that one out.
then my emotions carried me to
'moon river'
i kept playing that one.
i did.
i told elaine.
but i played out another melody
a chord progression of fourths, fifths, thirds and sixes,
then to the minor fourth...
the minor fourth...
i lingered there abit longer...
i can't finish it...

the melody starts out sweet
not like the beginning of love
but just the sweetness of romance
it's like pastel pink
the minor fourth brings it to another level
a deeper longing
for each other
where it takes the simple small talk furthur
just a little
maybe it ends with the holding of hands
maybe it ends with a peck on the cheek
maybe it ends with both of them gazing at each other
maybe it ends just there -
the closing is open (that's an irony)

since i can't speak,
this is all i can do now.

Time is passing so slowly...

i miss u hun.

BOSTON LEGAL

Just finished watching Boston Legal Season 5, I'm dying to watch Season 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TOP 5 guys Blacklisted

1) RONALD - !@#$%^&*

2) TAN YING PENG - HAD SOMETHING ELSE ON

3) BEN PUA - FRIEND BROUGHT FORWARD MEETING TIME

4) JEREMY HU - HEADACHE

5) ONG CHAO SHUN - AT GIRLFRIEND'S PLACE

ALL OF THEM WERE SUPPOSE TO MEET US YESTERDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT I GOT PANG SEH-ED BY FIVE GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL ON THE SAME DAY!!!!!!

RONALD WAS THE WORST... UNCONTACTABLE... PROMISED TO MEET BUT NO SHOW... AT LEAST THE OTHER GUYS BOTHERED TO SMS... FORGIVABLE... UNDERSTANDABLE... BUT RONALD!!!!!!!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO AGREE TO MEET UP WITH HIM AGAIN!!!!!! THAT MAN CANNOT BE TRUSTED!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK TO YOUR WIFE AND KID.

God has been good.

I can't stop telling you how much God has done..

Hun went to Israel on thursday and I guess, without him around, I'm more aware of God's presence coz there are no distractions. I take stock of the good things that happened and I count my blessings!

Haha..

FRIDAY - I managed to invite David to VBS and he was very ministered to by Catherine's message. He had just ended his exams that day and he told me, "this is a good way to start my holidays!""

SATURDAY - Mum told me that Mr. Bake's daughter wants to learn pop piano and he asked if I could have some lessons with her :) You see, recently, I've been praying and asking God to send me people so that I can impart this gift that he has given me to others! If not, I'll remain good for nothing! What good is a gift if it is not given or shared?

SUNDAY - Elaine came to church with me! For the first time! haha... the last time was because of ru's gig, that was his church, which I'm so thankful that I took the courage to ask her to come. But I think I'm still apprehensive to ask her about how she feels after service and the God stuff. Well, it''s one step closer nevertheless. I encourage all fellow bros and sis, do not lose heart doing good for in due season, you will reap the harvest! I've invested alot of my time and energy into relationships that matter to me because they haven't encountered Jesus! If there's a reason we're put on this earth, it's to know his love and pass it on! Think about the massive harvest out there! Just look around you! How much are you giving yourself to that? It takes more than what we're doing now! Be intentional!

Praise God for the good things he has done!

This week, I'm going to start fasting again. I just feel that I need do. It's been a while. Yesterday, daddy was preaching about being addicted to the things of God and letting the word of God master us. I miss my intimate times with Him. After reading "THE SHACK", it made me miss my papa.

"Lord I offer my life to you

Everything I've been through

Use it for your glory..."

"And I'll let my words be few

Jesus I am so in love with you..."