surreptitious
–adjective
| 1. | obtained, done, made, etc., by stealth; secret or unauthorized; clandestine: a surreptitious glance. |
| 2. | acting in a stealthy way. |
| 3. | obtained by subreption; subreptitious. |
| 1. | of or pertaining to tailors or their trade: sartorial workmanship. |
| 2. | of or pertaining to clothing or style or manner of dress: sartorial splendor. |
| 3. | Anatomy. pertaining to the sartorius. |
It wasn't the grand finale I was expecting
Had a long day of lectures
Given to me by two men
One of which I just met today and the other I've known for all my life
One teaching me about Greek philosophers and the other
about the philosophy of life and relationships
Tonight wasn't the grand finale I was expecting
It really wasn't
I think we started okay
Talking about our future, our home, our dog,
about celebration plans for the birthday girl next week,
about the clockwork orange,
about what we did today.
But I felt like I didn't have much to say
I was processing some thoughts in my head
while we were conversing
And it probably wasn't the right thing to do --
To bring it up for discussion
It's just been bugging me every time I see the word
'pod' on text twist.
May be that's why I didn't game today.
Well, that certainly was a mood-kill
You have your thoughts and you're not ready to share
I have mine and I don't want it to influence your decision
You were right.
It's not the appropriate time to talk about this.
We couldn't come to a conclusion.
Unfortunately, things didn't pick up
You tried to make things better by being affectionate
But I came across as 'incredulous' and
doubting your intentions when you said
You missed me
That was hardly the case
We paused.
I tried to explain myself.
You said You thought that I would understand.
I cannot take it anymore.
Why did I make the conversation worse than it already is?
I feel awful.
My heart is hurting.
My tears are falling.
I'm so sorry for how things turned out tonight.
It wasn't a good finale......
"No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word. The answer cut like sharp knife right into the merchant's heart.
The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.
He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.
Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go."
The merchant looked up and there was his first wife.
She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition.
Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have!"
Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives...
The 4th wife is our body.
No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.
The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
The 1st wife is in fact our spirit, often neglected in our pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure. Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go.
I heard a minister once say that life is kind of like the board game Monopoly. He went on to say that just like the board game we go through life accumulating things and material wealth, but when the game is over, everything will go back into the box.
It is the same thing with us; People go through life killing themselves to live a great life and to show they have "made it in life", but they are spiritually dead and empty inside.
http://www.wrensworld.com/fourwives.htm
Loneliness in a crowd is hard to deal with
You can be alone and not lonely
But it sucks to be lonely
When you're not alone
I wasn't informed of the party
Maybe I shouldn't have showed up
Then I wouldn't have felt the way I did
Adults occupy the living room
Reminiscing the grand display of their success
Younger ones gather in the master room
Fixing their eyes on the latest music videos
The noise cluttered the air
It wasn't conducive for chatting at all
Maybe it wasn't meant to be
A little boy was shoved into my arms
Neither of the groups welcomed him
He was too young to appreciate wine and beer
Too juvenile for the teenagers
I became his baby-sitter
Not that I disliked the job
I guess we both had something in common: not fitting in
But we were not together for long
I was distracted by my thoughts
Perhaps it was the loneliness that steered my thoughts to him
How I missed him
I miss him
The night's talk didn't go very well
I hurt him with my words
"I think you should go to sleep," he said.
That was painful.
We didn't stop there
I needed to know how I had hurt him
For that was not my intention
Somehow I feel that my incompetency in the language
cripples me
I am unable to express myself adequately
and hence, always giving others
the wrong impressions
I feel sad
I feel almost ashamed to meet him
Don't want to hurt him
Don't want him to feel rejected
It seems as if the only solution is to hide
To hide behind a mask that won't reveal my flaws
To be who he wants me to be
To say what he wants to hear and
Do what he wants to do
But facades don't work in relationships
They say, "ignorance is bliss"
I question, "how long can you be ignorant?"
In the same way
How long will I be able to put up a front?
It was honesty that brought us together
And if it entails being blunt
Then I'll take it
I didn't love you only for the good
But for bad times too
I pray that we'll always be genuine and real to each other,
devoid of hypocrisy and pretense
And as we grow through these challenges together
So will our love grow stronger
Was reading Blackaby's Spiritual Leadership on tuesday, the chapter on preparing the leader..
Today, I think God taught me a lesson on preparation.
I have a recording to do tonight and I'll probably have to do some audio editing on my laptop. But when I was backing up my files on my external hard disk, the computer prompted me to do a disk clean up on the ext hard disk to compress files are create more space.
The disk clean up took a few hours and I got quite impatient. I kept asking Jeremy, "How long will it take?! I need my com to be ready by 8pm!"
Then I realized that in order for my lappie to be ready for me to use, it needed to be 'prepared'.
It may be a long process. But without going through the preparation, it will not function at its best.
Well, for me, I've learnt that in order to be used by God to my fullest potential, I need to go through a 'clean up'. My future is in his hands, not mine.
How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will nost boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
Why are 21st birthdays so special?
Why do people have to make it a massive celebration?
Don't they feel embarrassed to invite so many people to THEIR party?
It's like saying...
"Hey! Come to MY party!"
I mean...
Unless you're some kind of hot chick or cool dude
Why would anyone wanna come and see YOU get all the attention?
Moreover,
They have to burn their brains and pockets to buy you something you'll probably never even use.
I still don't understand the whole twenty-one craze...
Yet..
It's getting to me..
She asked me,
"How do I feel about turning 21?"
Phlegmatic.
Uggh...
Life still goes on as repetitive as before.
It's not like some divine event is going to take place during that 24 hours.
SO WHY DO I STILL THINK ABOUT IT?!
I'm going away.
Join me if you want.
"Cherish what you love and love what you cherish." - 17 April 2008
"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Sometimes it's better not to know to much." - 15 April 2008
"Besties getting married... Friends having babies...
They ask me when will I get married and how many babies I wanna have.
But a wretched creature like me is not worth any man's love.
So what is marriage then?
A distant future?
An ideal dream?
Or a utopia?
A place of escapism and fantasy
Always opposing reality
Play by the rules of love girl.
You reap what you sow girl." - 16 April 2008
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same." - 17 April 2008
Ooooohhh yea ooooh yea
If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I can't make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
How long will I be waiting,
To become a better man?
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Every day, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it's all because you're by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
–adjective
| 1. | not easily excited to action or display of emotion; apathetic; sluggish. |
| 2. | self-possessed, calm, or composed. |
| 3. | of the nature of or abounding in the humor phlegm. |
| Definition: | unemotional |
| Synonyms: | along for the ride*, apathetic, blah*, cold, cool, deadpan, desensitized, disinterested, dispassionate, dull, emotionless, flat, frigid, groggy, indifferent, lethargic, lifeless, listless, passionless, passive, sluggish, uncompassionate, undemonstrative, unexcitable, unfeeling, uninvolved, unresponsive |
Axiom
-noun
1. A self-evident or universally recognized truth; a maxim: "It is an economic axiom as old as the hills that goods and services can be paid for only with goods and services" (Albert Jay Nock).
2. An established rule, principle, or law.
3. A self-evident principle or one that is accepted as true without proof as the basis for argument; a postulate.
Effigy
–noun, plural -gies.
| 1. | a representation or image, esp. sculptured, as on a monument. |
| 2. | a crude representation of someone disliked, used for purposes of ridicule. |
| 3. | in effigy, in public view in the form of an effigy: a leader hanged in effigy by the mob. |
I'm tired after the activities of today
But I cannot sleep
Perhaps I'm choosing not to
Listening to the songs you sent me yesterday
Thinking about our time together
Trying to put my thoughts into words
hmm..
I remember writing about fear
And yes,
I am still afraid of many things
–noun
| 1. | a tree or part of a tree held fast in the bottom of a river, lake, etc., and forming an impediment or danger to navigation. |
| 2. | a short, projecting stump, as of a branch broken or cut off. |
| 3. | any sharp or rough projection. |
| 4. | a jagged hole, tear, pull, or run in a fabric, as caused by catching on a sharp projection. |
| 5. | any obstacle or impediment. |
| 6. | a stump of a tooth or a projecting tooth; snaggletooth. |
| 7. | to run or catch up on a snag. |
| 8. | to damage by so doing. |
| 9. | to obstruct or impede, as a snag does: He snagged all my efforts. |
| 10. | to grab; seize: to snag the last piece of pie. |
| 11. | to become entangled with some obstacle or hindrance. |
| 12. | to become tangled: This line snags every time I cast. |
| 13. | (of a boat) to strike a snag. |
| 14. | to form a snag. |
A lot of things happened in the past few days that made me very reflective.
Received news that Yap's mum just passed away on Saturday. So we went down on Monday to pay our respects. Met up with new and old friends. Realized that girlfriend and I had many more friends in common. That was nice.
Haven't seen Yap since secondary school. He hasn't really changed though except that he put on more weight. Well, hope that he's coping fine after the loss of his mom. Will keep his dad, bro and him in prayer. See u on Saturday Yap!
Then there's Rufas.
Titus was kind enough to open his house and cook dinner for the farewell. We all gathered on Sunday to see Rufas for the last time. He left for Bangladesh yesterday morning. He's going back for good to work and help his dad's church. He's a PK! Like me!
Just want to thank Rufas for being there during the crucial points in my life these three years. You've made me laugh. You've also made me cry. I can remember how you used to challenge our opinions and you came across as always wanting to win every argument. But you never failed to care for me like a sister. You could tell whenever I was down and would always offer to listen. Your words of encouragement have brought me strength and confidence. You taught me never to look down on myself. Without you, school will not be the same any more. When Peter graduated, I felt like a lost a friend. I'll have to go through that again.
Take care Rufas.
Changkat.
This is my last week teaching at Changkat Primary. I asked for a replacement teacher today so I won't be teaching today. Monday was my last day. It might be the last time I'll be seeing Adeline who has taught me and helped me so much. Changkat got me started in my career as a dance teacher. It has been a wonderful journey. Thank you Engz for intro-ing me this job and thank you changkat for the memories.... They will live on...
Thank you Adeline for your patience, guidance and trust.
YLT.
Had a meeting with the YLT yesterday. Is was an emo one because of what we talked about. God is testing us. God is testing me. I pray that I will past the test and so will every one else. May we not bring destruction to what God has built. Lord, please help us to be discerning to what you want to do. Please help me to do what you will and not what I want. Tell me what needs to be sacrificed. I will do it.
I'm ready.
Church is built on
1) R e v e l a t i o n.... (Mt 16:17)
-Who Christ is
-Seek God for revelation on who He is
-Continue to grow deeper in Him
2) R e l a t i o n s h i p.... (Eph 4:15)
-Will definitely go through testing
-God is for relationship through good and bad
-Eg. Adam, Peter,
-Devil can attack greatly
- 3D: Relationship with people placed above us, our peers, and people placed under us
3) R e p r o d u c t i o n.... (2 Tim 2)
-'Generation'
-We need to multiply and reproduce ourselves
"Are you enjoying your life?" you ask me.
I chose to give you an answer you wanted to hear
So I needn't say more.
So you wouldn't throw me any more questions.
The truth is
I cannot be totally honest with you
As much as I love you
I really do
But there are so many things that we do not see eye to eye
You want what is best for me
I want that too
But neither of us will know what's best
Coz we're humans who are
Clouded by our perceptions and assumptions
based on our experiences
isn't it not?
Why do you tell others that I've grown up and
I know how to make my own decisions
When inside of you,
You're still being possessive and telling me what choices to make?
Your words are just a facade
Masking the reality of your feelings
You still cannot let go
I bet you never will
You're jealous of other guys
and You dread the day I belong to someone else
Is this the best for me?
Is it?
You know,
If we keep wanting the best for ourselves,
the day will come when we die with regrets
because we never did what we wanted to
We were too preoccupied with trying for the best
That we never settled for anything less
So what if I make a mistake?
I may be impulsive, emotional,
and most of the time irrational,
But I take responsibility for the consequences
Mistakes can never be avoided.
You can try with all your might to protect me
from doing what you think is wrong
But it will only push me to go the other way
I am no longer seventeen
I know that I am capable of earning a living
and being independent
I just ask that you will trust me
As it makes it easier for me to be honest with you
When I know that you do
The more I see the suspicion in your eyes
and sense the judgmental aura
The more I want to back away
When will you start to want me to be happy?
I am confident that I will be able to fulfil your desires
and marry a super spiritual saint
But is that what will make me happy?
Is that really what I want?
Or what you want for me?
So do you want me to be happy or to make your dream come true?
Dear Lord,
Thanks for working in my friends' lives.
I know that as I continue sowing love
You will give the increase in time
But it has not been easy
Many people are critical of my actions
The folks are no exception
They doubt my intentions
They induce fear into me too
There are moments when I begin to question
whether my commitment to my friends
is worth it
But as I see your hand move each time I offer up a prayer to you
I know that you are watering the seed planted
I pray for strength Lord
to persevere in interceding for them
I believe that my desire is yours too -
for them to come to know You
So please keep showing me that you are working on their lives
that I may be able to testify of your goodness
and give an account of my doings
Then man will not be able to fault me because you are on my side...
I want it all I want it all I want it all and I want it now
Adventure seeker on an empty street
Just an alley creeper light on his feet
A young fighter screaming with no time for doubt
With the pain and anger can't see a way out
It ain't much I'm asking I heard him say
Gotta find me a future move out of my way
I want it all I want it all I want it all and I want it now
I want it all I want it all I want it all and I want it now
Listen all you people come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan gotta shake you to the ground
Just give me what I know is mine
People do you hear me just give me the sign
It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future for the dreams of youth
I want it all (give it all) I want it all I want it all and I want
it now
I want it all (yes I want it all) I want it all (hey)
I want it all and I want it now
I'm a man with a one track mind
So much to do in one life time (Do you hear me people?)
Not a man for compromise and where's and why's and living
lies
So I'm living it all (yes I'm living it all)
And I'm giving it all (and I'm giving it all)
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
I want it all all all all
It ain't much I'm asking if you want the truth
Here's to the future
Hear the cry of youth (hear the cry hear the cry of youth)
I want it all I want it all I want it all and I want it now
I want it all (yeah yeah yeah) I want it all I want it all and I
want it now
I want it
Now
I want it I want it
The lyrics of Queen linger on in my mind
after the high energy concert I went to last night
Each song filled with so much meaning
Only fans of Queen will understand
I am just beginning to appreciate Rock music.
Because of its controversy
I never wanted to associate myself with it.
I would tell people how much I love music and
they would ask me what genres I listen to
I always said "everything but ROCK and HEAVY METAL."
I was proud of my stand coz it seemed like that was the correct view to take.
But all this changed gradually
when I found out that my lecturer actually adores Rock.
He wouldn't miss a Black Sabbath concert.
"There's nothing different between a secular 'D' note and a christian 'D' note,"
He tells me.
Another friend of mine, Kel, is someone I hold in high regard.
He has influenced me greatly in the area of music.
A saint on the outside, but a radical inside,
Guns N' Roses is his favourite band.
Then next in line is Qang.
I just wanted to learn about his kind of music.
He sent me Sunburn by Muse on MSN
and told me that I might not like it.
I was afraid to listen to it so I did only after a few days.
It wasn't so bad.
I liked how they blend Classical and Rock together.
Cool.
So last night's concert ended with a standing ovation.
It was a blast!
I must admit that I felt pretty constrained by the seat most of the time.
How can you keep your butt glued to the seat when you're at a concert?
It just doesn't feel right.
They should have made it 'Free Standing'.
The atmosphere would have been much more intense.
Well, I'm partly a QUEEN fan now
Thanks to Ben Elton.
I am truly moved by the tunes from yesterday.
From the catchy "We Will Rock You"
That every living person hums to
and the cheeky "Fat Bottomed Girls"
That put smiles on the audience's faces
to the emo "No One But You"
That brought back fond memories of Freddie.
Each song brilliantly composed with its own unique flavour.
So if you still don't dig ROCK,
Try going for this musical.
It's still on till the end of the month.
Who knows,
It might unleash the ROCKER in you!
Theres no time for us
Theres no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
From us
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever....?
Theres no chance for us
Its all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Who dares to love forever?
When love must die
But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today
Who waits forever anyway?
Have been packing my schedule with alot of stuff the past week and i'm soOoOoOo tired!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girlfriend came back tues night and i didn't sleep the whole night coz we were talking. I really enjoyed our conversation but the lack of rest made me very sleepy during my dance classes. :P
Taught at RVPS wed morn and had to deal with some of the children's behaviour problems. That kept me awake coz i saw it as an opportunity to show them love and care. And i guess that's just me. I feed on chances like these. I like to show people that I love them! I'm not embarrassed about it!
Wed was tiring because i had back to back meetings and my day only ended after 10pm.
Slept for 6 hours then got up this morning to accompany dad to the hospital.
Had bad cramps coz it's the first day of my period. It always happens. So I stayed home to rest in the afternoon.
The night was awesome!
I'm high on QUEEN now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everybody should watch We Will Rock You!!!!!!!!!! It's like attending a ROCK concert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The singers were good. The sets were good. Dance choreography was good but I wasn't particularly impressed with the dancers. Very messy and un-coordinated. Oh well. I wasn't there for the dance anyway.
The script is good and they even contextualised some parts of it! Words like "Sorry, LAH" and "Bugis street" was used. One actor even said "xie xie" (thank you) in mandarin!
It's really worth watching! the audience get to participate too!
What's important is seeing girlfriend happy. That makes me happy.
The concert ended with a standing ovation for the cast and the band. Lovely. They really did a fantastic job! All the best for the rest of the month!
-------------------------------------------------------------
-adjective
1. inclined to lustfulness; wanton; lewd: a lascivious, girl-chasing old man.
2. arousing sexual desire: lascivious photographs.
3. indicating sexual interest or expressive of lust or lewdness: a lascivious gesture.
HEART:
"Been there, done that."
Such an apathetic remark
from a person who just can't be bothered
Since the damage has been done
What difference will it make if I do it again?
How bad can it get?
Why care about the consequences?
Just go ahead
Sharp the E
BRAIN:
"Once bitten, twice shy."
Sounds like someone who will
never be able to forget the past
I've been hurt before
Don't want to feel like junk again
Don't want to go all the way
Fear acts as a prevention
HEART:
I've been used and
I don't have much left to give
But with what I have
I want to show you how much you mean to me
I want to make you feel special
I want to give you all of me
BRAIN:
It was our decision to draw the lines
But I knew that it stemmed out from my convictions
Not yours.
I could tell.
In honesty, you told me
You did not want to control yourself around me
It makes it even harder now
That I have to hold myself back when I'm with you
HEART:
Your words are like honey
Sweet to the ear.
Your lips, I find hard to resist
Your touch (hmm)
Gentle.
Smooth.
Every tease leads us on and
Every time our bodies meet
We progress furthur
Intimacy.
Never felt so right with anyone.
BRAIN:
Yet I know that
If all these were to stop
You wouldn't love me any less
Because what matters the most is not the physical
It's whether you have my heart
and that's enough for you
That
little
will
do.
