Loneliness in a crowd is hard to deal with
You can be alone and not lonely
But it sucks to be lonely
When you're not alone

I wasn't informed of the party
Maybe I shouldn't have showed up
Then I wouldn't have felt the way I did

Adults occupy the living room
Reminiscing the grand display of their success
Younger ones gather in the master room
Fixing their eyes on the latest music videos

The noise cluttered the air
It wasn't conducive for chatting at all
Maybe it wasn't meant to be

A little boy was shoved into my arms
Neither of the groups welcomed him
He was too young to appreciate wine and beer
Too juvenile for the teenagers

I became his baby-sitter
Not that I disliked the job
I guess we both had something in common: not fitting in

But we were not together for long
I was distracted by my thoughts
Perhaps it was the loneliness that steered my thoughts to him
How I missed him

I miss him

The night's talk didn't go very well
I hurt him with my words

"I think you should go to sleep," he said.

That was painful.

We didn't stop there
I needed to know how I had hurt him
For that was not my intention

Somehow I feel that my incompetency in the language
cripples me
I am unable to express myself adequately
and hence, always giving others
the wrong impressions

I feel sad
I feel almost ashamed to meet him
Don't want to hurt him
Don't want him to feel rejected

It seems as if the only solution is to hide
To hide behind a mask that won't reveal my flaws
To be who he wants me to be
To say what he wants to hear and
Do what he wants to do

But facades don't work in relationships
They say, "ignorance is bliss"
I question, "how long can you be ignorant?"
In the same way
How long will I be able to put up a front?

It was honesty that brought us together
And if it entails being blunt
Then I'll take it
I didn't love you only for the good
But for bad times too
I pray that we'll always be genuine and real to each other,
devoid of hypocrisy and pretense
And as we grow through these challenges together
So will our love grow stronger