Miss having small group where we get together and share God's word.. bounce of new spiritual revelations with one another.. and sharing our highs and lows so that we can encourage each other..
It's so lonely nowadays.. and tough to be the one crying alone in the room.. thinking that I'm the only facing the battles of life..
Well.. I guess it's hard for any one to understand me.. I don't take the easy road in life and I'm always challenging myself to become better.. The decisions I make are very different for every one around me. My job is not stable, and I'm only studying part time so that I can spend the rest of my time pursuing my passions. Some Christians might not even consider me as part of the faith community because of the things I do. Even my parents think I'm too bold.
Well, with no one to share my week with and talk to.. I guess I'll just have to accept it as a fact of life.
The day you said your first word
Was the reconnecting of of friendship.
The day you said your three words
We become more than friends.
The day you said those two words
You broke my heart.
One and two
I'm falling for you
But now comes three
I don't know where to be
Should I place my heart in your hand
Knowing that you'll end it again
Five more months and off you go
For 3 whole years I'll never know
The secrets that you hide from me
No video camera can see
Will we be faithful while we're apart
When I have already broken your heart?
One, two and now comes three
Whatever will be, will be
Late into the night
I'm still thinking about you
We just had another fight
I feel like I'm losing you
We were fine in the last 3 days
But the riots are starting
The hurting and the pains
Seems like we're drifting apart
Please come back to me baby
I know, I am sorry
for the words I said
Never meant it that way
All it takes i another chance
To believe in us again
Another place,
So we can fall in love again
Another you, another me
We can make it baby
The time we have together
is getting shorter
The longing in my heart
is getting stronger
I"ve been lonely
When you're not with me
Don't let me heart grow fonder
I rather have you here
Prov 24:33-34
A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest- and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.
Guarding your heart is not easy
You need to be watchful for the thief
Who comes in the darkness of night
See him coming from a distance
You better take flight
If you don't run
It will soon be too late
the rule is
what you feel uncomfortable doing, don't do.
The enemy comes like a cunning thief
Taking on the appearance of a normal man
Like poison in a sweet
You won't know it unless you take the first bite
Now I'm left with heartache and despair
I hurt the person who means the most to me
I have no one to turn to who can comfort me
I need courage to flee
I need the courage to love again
I need the confidence to start over
How long will the hurting carry on
This guilt, this shame, this atrocity
He toyed with my feelings
Manipulated my mind
I'm on his hook
But the hook is gone
to hook another
Animal. Beast. Scum.
I never want to see you again.
People who break up are not the only people who are lost.
Sigh.
We just talked about spending more time with each other and making it intentional and putting effort and all that. He gave me the assurance I needed ytd.
But I kept calling him tonight and he never answered. Is it another case of him falling asleep? Or in his words, "choosing sleep over you"?
There so much I want to tell him. He said he'd call me back.
Maybe I shouldn't expect him to.
My heart is aching. I thought it was mended last night. But I guess I'm wrong. I'm feeling as emo as I felt, it's back to that.
I was really looking forward to talk to him tonight. I don't even know if I should call him again..
I'll just go back to doing my paper..
nothing in this world can satisfy me
jesus you alone can fill me up..
As these words of a song linger in my head
Tears trickle down my cheek
Words of spite and hatred pierce my heart
Holes of unbearable hurt unable to patch up
Today a couple got engaged
It makes me wonder what principles do they hold on to to make their relationship work.
I am struggling in mine.. Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do.. The effects are minimal..
He keeps saying that this rship is difficult, complicated.. Etc and today he said that he doesn't undertsand my intentions at all. He says that he's confused, and frustrated and pissed off...
I hate it when he feels this way.. A deep sense of self-loathe comes upon me whenever this happens...
I do hope that i'll get a chance to talk to him tomorrow.. I know tomorrow is going to pass slowly because I'll be thinking about him every minute of the day...
Just went for an audition at USS. I think I did well for the dance part but not the singing. I messed it up really badly... pitched the wrong note because I was too nervous and didn't really 'perform'.. I simply sang it.. in summary, it wasn't my best..
I think auditions have a way to build up or tear down your confidence. When you do well and get in for a show, you feel a little more confident. But when you don't make it.. your confidence drops to -100. You just feel like such a loser... a failure...
Well, today's just one of my days... I'm not what they wanted...
It's tough to climb back up again... It will take a while...
It spoke so deep to my heart.. God is speaking...
This morning's session, this verse came up: Phil 3:10 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death."
- The more you suffer, the more you know the power of the resurrection.
- His goodness is sometimes expressed in severe mercy.
- In everything, there's no exception, God works all things for his good.
God... so many times I feel like I'm hanging at the end of the rope.. I don't know whether I'm doing what you want me to do but I know that with every step I take.. I want it to be where you have called me to.
Help me to delight in your suffering.
MaKinG a DiFfeReNcE 1-on-1
It's simple. One life, lay it down for another. Keep it going.
