I don't know how couples stay together for so long. All I can think of is they're probably maintaining superficial relationships. How to you build deep and sustainable relationships?

I'm only in this relationship for less than 18months and I'm feeling that it's getting harder. I feel that I'm not understanding enough, not patient enough. I hate it when I piss him off. I don't know how long he will take to cool down. I don't know what I should do. Should I disappear? Go away? maybe he'll feel better without me around.

I just saw a fight happen while I was doing work at Holland V just now. I wish someone was there with me. Elaine, Michelle, Cheryl, somebody.

I was so afraid because it reminded me of the same fear I felt when my parents used to quarrel. I would climb into bed and hide under my blanket. Noises of plate smashing/furniture smashing, slamming of doors would come from their room. I used to hear my mom scream at my dad and my dad shouting at her. She would piss him off and he would leave the house. As I hid under my blanket, I would cry very badly. I never knew what the fight was about. I was afraid my dad might hit her. So many things ran through my mind. I was so young, I didn't know how to handle it. It didn't start there. When I was younger, I often saw my parents stop the car at a carpark, get out of the car and quarrel. I would be sitting in the back seat, frozen.

Today, as I witnessed the fight, the exchange of hurtful words and vulgarities like "f*** your mother"... "f*** me"... I trembled in my seat.

One couple was very aggressive. Both the woman and man gestured with their hands as they challenged the other couple to a fight. They threw a punch at the man and he bled while his girlfriend tried to stop the whole thing. It must have been pretty traumatizing for her. She had to pull her boyfriend away while the other couple charged at him. One versus three.

The aggressive couple got into the car but I'm not sure why, the woman came out again. She challenged that man somemore with a whole string of vulgarities. And this time, his girlfriend couldn't take it, she shouted "shut up!" "enough!"

I was so frightened at what might happen next. Would she also get beaten up? I don't want to witness her dying in front of me.

As I try to sleep, the scene keeps playing in my mind. I can't sleep. I don't want to be alone tonight. I'm praying, praying that God will remove those horrible images from my mind. I don't want to be reminded about my past.

I sat there frozen, in the darkness, alone. Just like many years ago. Curled up in my bed, under the blanket, in darkness, alone.

I switch on my light. I don't want to sleep tonight.

Who can I talk to? Who's there to listen?

We just had a quarrel in the afternoon. He says he's pissed and wants to get away from me. I'm breaking down again. I want to go out. Maybe I'll go for a drive after this movie. I don't want to stay here. Not on this bed, not under the same blanket. But I don't want to drive. I don't want to remember what happened tonight. I wanna go for a walk.

My heart is racing, my breath is irregular, my head hurts from all the trauma.